The Most Lonliest Day of My Life.

Well as I thought, I fucked it up. My mind is not what it used to be. I remember the days when falling for someone was easy, but now it just seems impossible for me. I can surround myself with friends a plenty, but that doesn't make me feel any less lonely. Maybe if wouldn't push everyone away from me things would be easier. I look forward to the day I don't hurt someone because I think something might work. I don't have a clue when or where it is going to happen, but I doubt it is going to be anywhere near here in the sense of time and location.



I guess I got what I wanted anyway, depression. I can't help but hate myself now. At least I know it can only get better? I hope. If it doesn't then I might not get out of this one easily, but is that such a bad thing? I haven't done anything worth living so far. I am only 17 i guess you can't really expect some that young have accomplished anything, yet I feel that if I'm not doing something then I nothing. If I am not the best then I'm the worst, if I'm not important then I'm worthless. This seems like a flaw that if overcame would change who I really am. Still I can't go on living in this paranoia of the future. I seem to be trapped and in need of assistance, but I won't take your help. I guess its up to me to figure this one out. Just like always.



The Velvety Monkey



P.S. I'm sorry

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